Left behind...........

I was supposed to join Bryant and Sam in LANing our lives away this morning, but perhaps I overslept (I think 10am is reasonable for a non-school day), or they happened to forget about me, I don't know. Guys, if you did this on purpose, I will wait at the jetty at 0730 on Monday, and laugh many evil laughs as you are herded like lambs to the slaughter on to boats to be shipped to OBS Singapore, and then, wait for you at the jetty on Friday, and laugh even more evil laughs as you step off exhausted, mentally drained, and smelling worse than me for once. Lol.

Taking scant comfort in the fact that now I wouldn't have to pay $2 an hour to be a free frag at Quake 4 and that I wouldn't have to rush back for tuition, I pondered what to do with all that time now that I finished the Legends Quest. In the end, I decided to work on the Slummer storyline.

It shall start and revolve around a new SAL recruit named Macon Frigs, a civilian boy of 18 drafted into the SAL who spends more time than normal in stupid mode, along with his over-playful pet Monstrosity, Drool. Posted to a unit made up of other Slummer-Monstrosity duos, he arrives at Kraft Base to begin training for the mobilization to free humanity.

----------------------------------
Macon and Drool, Page 1
----------------------------------
(Scene shows a busy military camp)

Sarge: Listen up you spineless bunch of scumwads!!! For the next three weeks, you will be the lowest form of life in the ****ing order of nature! You will have no say, no rights, and no authority!!

Macon: Does the canteen serve mayonnaise pancakes??

Sarge: NO RECRUIT, THE ****ING CANTEEN WILL NOT SERVE MAYONNAISE PANCAKES!!! IF YOU WANT YOUR SISSY MAYONNAISE PANCAKES WITH A SIDE SERVING OF WUSSINESS, WHY NOT YOU RUN HOME TO YOUR MAMA AND GET HER TO MAKE THEM!!!

[Drool cringes from the shouting]

Macon: There there Drool, the bad man will be gone soon....

Sarge: YOUR MONSTROSITY IS THE SHAME OF ALL MONSTROSITIES!!! INSTEAD OF BEING WAR IN A GLOB OF MAYONNAISE, IT IS A THUMB SUCKING, MUMMY HUGGING PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU!!!
[Turns to rest of the recruits] NOW GET YOUR SORRY ASSES TO THE FIRING RANGE!!

-------------------------------------------------------------
(Firing range)
Sarge: Now, which of you permatards can tell me what this is!

Random recruit: Its a jar of mayo??

Sarge: You must be a godamned genius to give me that answer recruit!! You hear me recruit?? You are a genius!! You must have an IQ of 160 to give me that answer. You are frigging gifted!!!

Random Recruit: Thank you Sergeant!!

Sarge: I was joking. WRONG!! DROP AND GIVE ME 30!!

Random Recruit: Its food?

Sarge: WRONG, 30!!! MAMA'S BOY, WHAT IS IT!!

Macon: Erm, SAL property??

Sarge: STILL WRONG, ALSO 30!!! Listen up good scumwads, this is not just a jar of mayonnaise, it is a symbol of FREEDOM!! It epitomizes JUSTICE!! It is the very foundation that the Slummer Republic was built on! It is the lifeblood of our people! And now, it is being denied from the surface world!! [Wipes tear from eye] Recruits, it represents our fight to be a free people, away from tyranny!!

Macon: [Whispered] Like yours??

Sarge: I HEARD THAT MAMA'S BOY, ANOTHER 50!!

(Proceeds when all are done)

Sarge: Now, this is a new prototype fragmentation grenade. Its shape allows your average Slummer to throw, punt, and even kick it at the enemy a la rugby style. Mama's boy, kick this grenade as far as you can into the range [Kicks grenade, and Drool runs after it]

Macon: No, bad Drool!! We no play fetch now!! [Drool fetches it anyway]

Drool: Wruff!! [Places grenade proudly in front of Macon]

Macon: WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!![Cringes as he awaits impending doom]

(A minute passes by with no explosion)

Sarge: Had that been live, you'd be dead. NOW GET ON YOUR FEET RECRUIT! THAT WAS A DUD!! DO YOU REALLY THINK I'D TRUST YOU NINNIES WITH REAL GRENADES??

Macon: Hehehe.....[Laughs sheepishly]

Sarge: Its been a long day indoctrinating you noobs into the SAL. Now, everyone to your bunks.

(Recruits shuffle off)

Sarge: Except you mama's boy. Because of your abysmally crappy performance, you get have to get some more practice. [Taunting tone] So now, I'm letting you stay up past your bedtime so you can have time to think about how to control your Monstrosity properly on guard duty.

(Walks off with a chuckle)

Macon: Its all your fault Drool.

Drool: Woof??
----------------------------------

Yes, I know its bad, but all these tales need to simmer a bit before they get good.