A Gain, A Loss

Training ended for Christmas, and will stop until the 28. Ordinarily this means even more free time in addition to the holidays, but this year, it means even less time to prove myself as a worthy addition to the starting 15.

The year which has seen stellar improvement in my academic form has also borne witness to my declining influence and hold on the team. I started every match last year, and played all of them from start to end except for the first two. I even had hopes for starting on the B Division team this year, since the senior wing forward had left the school.

It was still no surprise to me that I was still a substitute then, as were most Sec 3s. With that failed plan that my father cooked up to get me to do Bio at the expense of all my Wednesday trainings for 2 terms I lost any chance I had of starting. I still managed 3 substitute appearances, and I was the second most used Sec 3 substitute after George who had four, and we should have been tied since he went in instead of me for one match since I rushed out to help Gabriel when he was injured, and seeing as I wasn't available on hand, Coach brought George on instead.

The failed plan seems to have had long lasting effects. My tackles were either inaccurate or poorly executed, if ever done at all from the lack of practice, my fitness drained when a possible asthma relapse robbed me of my stamina, and a badly healed injury has left a bony lump on my right leg which would leave me in agony if anyone knocked against it. With even Sec 2's who had shown little promise this year's disappointing C Division squad being selected ahead for me, the writing on the wall was becoming glaringly clear. Shape up or ship out.

The future appears bleak for now. Amos could be moved down to wing forward from an in centre, and should that happen I would be in big trouble since I have little hope of pushing my old understudy Max off the team. Playing as my opposite wing forward since he was Sec 1 and a year my junior, he would look to me for guidance. Vice captain of the underachieving C Division squad, a post I felt he fully deserved, he would certainly be picked first should a decision come down to deciding between him and me. He is like a more advanced version of me, same build, same size, same speed, same playing style, but better, like T800 to T-X, IE6 to IE7. The nice guy that he is, he denies it all the time, but he has already surpassed me. Max, modesty is another type of lying, you already went past being my junior and my equal.

There is still hope though. Some of my tackling has come back, as well as my speed. Jamal thanked me for boosting his confidence in tackling after he managed to take me down during one training. Two ways I could interpret this, one would be my team still holds me with some sort of esteem, or two, I've degraded enough to be taken down with relative ease by my juniors, albeit the second vice captain. Hope like hell its the former. With Matthew's return still unconfirmed, that leaves a position possibly open in the forward pack. Although I'd be playing prop instead of wing forward, I'd gladly grasp any chance for a starting position right now.

It seems like someone above is telling me I can't have both things at the same time. At this time last year I played well, but my studies were not too good. With a final year average of 67.75 and an L1R5 of 13, its a big improvement from last year's 62 and 20+ for L1R5. I refuse to use the term can't have your cake and eat it too, since cake is for eating anyway, but it seems like I cannot do well at both at the same time. With the O-Levels drawing nearer, I would pick my studies over rugby should I be forced into that decision, but right now, I want to be part of that starting 15 for the season.