Zen...And Comforting

*Begin deep, meaningful and insightful section here*

"There is no mystery to happiness.

"Unhappy men are all alike. Some wound they suffered long ago, some wish denied, some blow to pride, some kindling spark of love put out by scorn -- or worse, indifference -- cleaves to them, or they to it, and so they live each day within a shroud of yesterdays. The happy man does not look back. He doesn't look ahead. He lives in the present.

"But there's the rub. The present can never deliver one thing: meaning. The ways of happiness and meaning are not the same. To find happiness, a man need only live in the moment; he need only live for the moment. But if he wants meaning -- the meaning of his dreams, his secrets, his life -- a man must reinhabit the past, however dark, and live for the future, however uncertain. Thus nature dangles happiness and meaning before us all, insisting only that we choose between them."
-- Jed Rubenfeld, 'The Interpretation of Murder'

Much thanks to Bryant for having introduced me to that quote. It's stuck with me since the day he posted it.

Reverting back to the old day cycles I used to have. Study, then TF2. Study, then read TRC manga.

Love this cycle. It's simple, it's calm, it's comforting, and most of all, it's familiar. Two years of living it, two awesome years. The best bit is, I don't have to choose between happiness and meaning because of it.

What I do, I enjoy, and conveniently happens to take care of the future, and since I'm good with the past, well, I've got myself a pretty good deal don't I?

Might be a little late to save your dream of finally getting a chance to see what the hell John Nash was up to in Princeton isn't it?

Well, I lost heavily before the dark ages ended didn't I?

*End deep, meaningful and insightful section here*

Okay, that's over! They should read stuff like that during chapel.

Instead of the usual did to spur us on to

The chaplain ACJC has is kinda like this one.


Why, why, why can we never have a Chaplain/Priest like this one!

I mean, he doesn't even have to be an Interrogator-Chaplain! Just think about it, a Chaplain who gives sermons in full power armour! Reads quotes from the Bible he wears around his waist with a chain! Blesses people using a crozius! Partitions the wafers and wine with a power sword! Come on, this would bring the flock back from those "charismatic" churches! Or at least draw the fa/tg/uys into attending Mass on a regular basis.

Which reminds me, right after the Promos, I'm getting started on my newest fanfiction.

This one will be about an Apothecary who's expelled from his Chapter (Iron Wolves) for losing the gene seed of ten marines because he stopped to rescue a group of Guardsmen from Traitor Marines. Until he performs a great deed of service to the Emperor, he will have to wander as a Lone Wolf across the galaxy. So he joins up with the regiment of the Guardsmen he saved as a medic, looking for the chance to redeem himself in the eyes of the Emperor.

Initially supposed to be a serious one to explore how Space Marine-human relations (Still is), Bryant and I couldn't help but think of all the awkward scenes a Space Marine medic used to healing superhuman warriors would have babysitting normal human soldiers.

----
Bryant : Apothecary! Private Jenkins had a heart attack!

Micro : Bring him to my operating table. Now administering the Rites of CPR.

*Crushes Guardsmen to death due to his superhuman strength*

Micro : Oops...Erm...Emperor watch over your soul brave soldier?
----

----
Micro : Emperor's peace be with you fallen warrior, as I take the Chapter's due.

Bryant : Apothecary, why the hell are you mutilating Forester's body for?

Micro : I am extracting his gene seed, so that his legacy may live through another.

Bryant : Oi! We're not Marines, we don't have gene seed!

Micro : Really? Then what are these two glands that I just extracted from Corporal Forester's midsectio-

Bryant : PUT THEM BACK!!!
----

Well, if you've been doing the same thing for the last 100 years, you tend to get a little too familiar with the routine wouldn't you?

PS : Sam, sorry we couldn't meet up! It's not so easy for us any more... We'll make up for it when you get back in December, I promise!

PPS : Before I forget. You mah hoe! (It's Friday)

Lock And Load

Had an awesome day once again in the CWC. Only for it to be ruined tonight by them.

Jezebels and vagabonds. And while neither really applies to what they did tonight, it fits the way they go about anyway

In the act of forcing a burden on me, they have relieved me of another. Now, hatred is acceptable. Conflict can be justified. Confrontation is reasonable.

Not once, but twice this has happened now. I longed for a truce or equilibrium of some sort. No more, but I still weary of this stalemate. I've done enough giving. Time for some taking.

So awaken the Eversors and unchain Khorne's servants, for he thirsts this day.

And we shall gladly slake it.

Meh, Shut Up and Reload Already

----
Micro : Some days Tim, I just feel like quitting the team and turning in my badge so I can get back to basics, so I'd have nothing to annoy/sadden/worry me. I mean, when I try to do everything, I'm rubbish on the field and the classroom.

Tim : That's not true... You are trying to move from C to A, people like me are trying to get promoted. And you're a still a senior player, even if you don't act like it. Besides, how's quitting going to help? If you hand in your badge, you can't get it back, and if you quit the team now, you definitely won't be able to make it to the first team. Really Cheng Heng, quitting now won't help, you'll end up with even less than you started with.
----

True dat. No point folding if you've already bet big. Tim's right, I can't quit. Truth be told, I'd go mad without training. It'd be like taking a vow of silence.

Before having that conversation, I was going to whine about how it isn't fair that I know exactly what I'm doing, but I can't do well because I get careless, at *everything*. But now I'm not.

Crazy fool that I am, I decided to prescribe myself the DOW2 campaign to remedy sleepless nights. On Primarch difficulty, and now I require Prozac after I spent half an hour finding and killing the Lictor Alpha for the stage, but get killed by fucking SPORE MINES ten seconds after that. Three times in a row. Basically, the difficulty curve works like this

----
Recruit - Your Marines are made to Shen Shin's proportions. They only need to sneeze to take out a Fire Prism. And those are just the scouts.

Sergeant - Your Marines have as much plot armour as fluff Marines. Able to stand in the middle of an open field and gun down Looted Tanks without getting seriously hurt.

Captain - Your Marines will need to learn a concept that's very foreign to them. It's called cover. Marines actually get killed on this level.

Primarch - Terminators will get killed on a regular basis by (Dear Emperor...) Hormagaunts
----

Then, there was this guy on the Starhub servers who---

Wait, run that by me again!

Uh-huh...yeah...okay...WTF?

You can't be bloody serious...

Breaking news people, there are actually people going for the rugby outing tomorrow. Which unfortunately, is the also the time period which I intend to return to SJI at.

Ordinarily, I would be stuck here indecivisely, afraid of the consequences of either choice. Look bad to the team, or not return.

Then again, I've always prided myself on being able to elicit a "WTF?" response from people.

Micro has decided to be decisive today. I R going back with the rest. Sorry ACJC, but you should have put the celebrations on Monday.

Finally learning to stand up for yourself are we?

Indeed I am my friend, indeed I am.

Got the presents yet?

D'oh!

Meh, they won't expect one from you anyway, you never were in the habit of doing that.

Well... I handed up my lit homework to the BAng on the last one, does that count?

No

Really? Fine... Is there anything else I'm forgetting?

Clouds and supersonic aircraft. CWC email. Now.

Told You I'd Be Back

Arsenal played the perfect game (6-1 against Everton) and Usain Bolt ran the perfect race last night, and I did the perfect experiment for Physics SPA today. That anagram still scares me these days, after unbelievably crap luck with them at O-Levels. I arrived in school at the usual time so I'd get a ride to school despite being in Shift 2, and tried not to die of anxiety while reading Duma Key until 10. Damn you Steven King, now you've made me go from dreamless sleep to "WTF?" dreams. The last one involved Robbie Keane dying and China nuking the school. The dreams of a man missing half his brain due to a car accident and a supernatural island are contagious.

Such a weight off one's chest...Chemistry won't be as finicky as Physics, and Chinese test on Wednesday, meh, when did I start caring?

Anyway, while I was dying of guilt for not going for any CWC meetings earlier this year due to training, being faced with the prospect of stoning yet another 4 hours before it started left me in the age-old problem here. Too little time to go home, too long to waste. The successful SPA more than made up for it of course.

So after Sam Wang and Tim K had to return to class at 2, I was still left with much time to burn. So back to Duma Key it was, at the risk of my subconscious pulling another Piccaso on me, to watch Eddie Freemantle slowly crawl out of insanity.

Finally at 4.30 I met up with Sam again to find our way to the meeting room.

That's when I heard her...

A shrill roar is volleyed at poor Tim for forgetting to unlock the room from somewhere in the candeck. The source of the noise, standing at 5"2 in all her glory, the self proclaimed Madame Dictator Kim.

Okay, so she isn't so evil once you get to know her, but I still spent the next five minutes taking cover behind Sam because Tim was too small to provide ample protection.

Unfortunately, this appeared to be one of the sessions involving labour and admin st00fs, so half my mind was spent thinking up suggestions for the outing they were planning, and the other half was spent thinking of a name for the dead cockroach taped to the wall with a "OMG, help me!" speech bubble next to it after Mr Woolhead mentioned it was important to know "the name behind the face". I eventually pasted a "Hi, My Name is Llewellyn" sign next to it. Madame Dictator was not pleased.

On a absolutely random note, I must watch Up. I have never missed a Pixar film before, and I don't intend to start now.

P.S : Two years are up Bryant, what does that anagram stand for!!??!?!

WTF...Where Did That Come From?

Yesterday, I had the dubious privilege of consciously watching myself fall sick with fever. While most enlightening actually feeling the fever take over, it wasn't fun. Definitely wasn't fun.

Usually, one wakes up with the said illness, but in the space of an hour I went from cursing the Economics independent worksheet to a shivering wreck on the floor.

First sign was the chills. I was resisting the urge to start up TF2/SwiftKit while doing the damned worksheet when I suddenly felt really, really cold. Which was weird, given how it supposed to be a hot day.

I realized something was wrong when the headache came in. That was definitely something wrong, I actually slept the night before.

It all proceeded to fall to shit from there. My parents found me a shivering wreck under my blanket with the windows closed and fans off at 30 degrees.

By the time I reached the clinic my temperature was 38.5, which I realized, even in my connection-lost-to-reality-attemtping-to-re-establish state, was a record. Normally, I abnormally low temperatures (<36) because the thermometer I bring is probably broken and only for show.

While the doctor admitted I was in bad shape, he seemed pretty certain it wasn't H1N1. So that means no 7 day holiday for anyone in contact with me.

My 7 day MC however, means I miss the CWC session this week. I feel *really* guilty about having joined but never going because of training, but even when I can go, something else turns up. (First Chinese A-Level oral, followed by this).

A Conversation

We need to talk. It's apparent that your problems have gotten out of hand.

Leave me alone...

You sure about that one? You can't seem to make up your mind about that one...

I know...

I know you tried to interact with them, but let's face the facts. Most of the time you've got nothing to say to them. And kid, it's made you miserable for a long time now.

No kidding...

And the worst thing is your indecision. Sure, you've sworn to be a lone wolf, just disconnecting yourself entirely from them, as far as possible. But you keep holding out in case that might change.

Hey, what can I say, I'm an optimist. Or at least I used to be.

Why exactly do you hate them so much anyway?

I don't hate them...

Hate's a bit strong I guess, but you definitely don't like 'em. I see many things too, just like you do.

Of course you do genius, you're me...

When you were sixteen. From happier times. And answer my question.

I don't know...it's just that whenever I'm around them, I just feel so damned edgy and uncomfortable... I just don't feel happy around them. Something about a lot of them just irritates me...

Well, whatever it is, it's getting serious. You're perpetually moody and listless because of it. And that in turn, causes you to not feel like doing anything. Especially study. You got butchered at the Terms, and even though it was a mix of carelessness and crap luck, you still shouldn't have crashed so spectacularly. Hell, it's even affecting your ability to write. Look at your posts since you got here. They're missing something.

I know, I know... The odd thing is that it's just them that this problem turns up with. I'm perfectly okay with everyone else I've met, but I can go through a day without saying a word to any of them.

Atrophy could be the reason for your writing's malaise.

Yeah...

You miss Sam, Bryant, Moses and the rest don't you?

Good that you noticed Captain Obvious. Moses is in CJ, Sam's in Australia and Bryant might as well be there with him, busy as he is these days. At least I still see Tim K often enough online, but still...

Back to the original reason why I'm talking to you. You can either continue trying to fit in, or strike out alone. You can of course, remain in the transition stage you're in now, but a fat load of good that's done you. The first option has no guarantee of working, and being the calculative being you are, I guess I know what you'll pick.

I have no qualms about being a lone ranger, but then that might ruin...

Your chances with her? Honestly, mate, the best way to go back to the relaxed state of life that you operate best in is to just disconnect yourself from everything, and you're seriously holding this up for one girl? You could fix everything that's gone wrong!

Sounds much like one of those chick romance novels. Lulz. But you're right.

Meh, I knew I was always a sensible bugger. So, now will you walk the Path of the Ranger?

Yes! Now give me my camo-cloak and mini-brightlance/sniper rifle. Wait, actually, you can keep the rifle, Rangers still suck major ass, even in DoW2.

Seriously? Damn.

Yeah, they do, but Guardians are actually useful these days. But they removed Dark Reapers.

Like topping Haagen-Daas ice cream with pond scum... Sigh, hopefully Relic will get it right one day. But listen man, just remember, do the right thing, and don't forget that you are special. Srsly. Egoistical as it is, it's how you thrived and survived back then, and that's how you'll repeat that here. But really, you know you aren't normal, and not in a bad way. Don't forget. It's all going to be alright from here on.

But what about her?

Sigh, I'm still a poet and romantic at heart aren't I? Well, didn't chicks dig rebels and such?

You're speaking from a total lack of experience. But meh, odds are you're right.

You seem to have taken that rather easily. I'm surprised.

I took my happy pills 8 )

Nice to see you in a bright mood again. Now, off you go, and finish up the tutorial on M.I okay?

Will do! Bye!

Bye!

I Am Ze Ubermensch!

http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198002575944/stats/TF2

Ironically, I was using the Kritzkrieg when I set the record. 64 points as Medic. Not farmed. No cheats, no hacks, nothing.

It all started on an instant respawn 2fort server. I had just gotten Doctor Assisted Homicide, and I needed two more achievements for the Ubersaw. So I sat there in the respawn room wondering which two I should go for next.

Intern and Specialist seemed to be the only two which didn't depend on the competency of my team mates, and were not ridiculously stupid like so many Medic achievements.

I checked the front door of the BLU fort.

Are we turtling? Check.

Are there many Heavies/Soldiers? Check.

Am I the only Medic on the team? Check.

And so it began. I changed the setting for "Begin playing like you got no balls at " from 80% to 0%. I started to run away the moment I was under fire, turned around so often and suddenly that I looked like I had Tourette's Syndrome, and fired off the Kritz at the first sign of danger (Yes, I even Kritzed a Heavy when I saw an Sniper coming down the bridge).

It took a surprisingly short time to amass 10k heal points needed for Specialist and Intern. Then I thought to myself, why stop here? How often do you get 2 sentries built at the entrance of the fort with dispensers nearby, as well as a RED team comprising mostly of W + M1 players?

It was only 21 minutes of getting crit-raped that the RED team sent an Ubered Pyro coming up from the sewers. No one needs the element of surprise anymore when you're invincible.

But I got the the achievements, and most importantly, my Ubersaw.

I celebrated using a Demoman that jumped onto the battlements.

Ubersaw makes Medics charge up to just about any class for easy Uberchage/Kritzkrieg. And believe or not, Medics will come up tops most of the time. Soldiers and Demomen are actually pretty poor in melee range, Heavies get tunnel vision when they start firing, Scouts tend to go for a bat kill when their Force-A-Nature runs dry, Engies are too slow to run away, Snipers can't see closer than 50 metres and Spies are just for lulz.

If I wasn't phasing my mind off Planet Slummer and back into the real world for the exams, I'd draw up plans on how to build an Ubersaw. In real life. Anyone know where I can get that handle?

Because I already have the blades and syringes ready.

Michael Jackson apparently just died 12 hours ago.

While he did have an unhealthy interest in little boys, never seemed to grow up and decided to make himself look like one of his one zombies in Thriller in his later life, there's no denying the man was a musical genius.

If you can write and sing a Grammy winning song at the age of 10, and continue doing that for decades, you've got to be someone special.

Now that he's died, let's just remember the good that he did, not as the scandal ridden man who lived in a world of his on, but as the handsome young rogue in Thriller with the talent we may never again see in our own lifetime.