Butler : Master Wong, it's already 9 in the morning, and you'd best wake up now if you want to catch the last of the Americans raiding the Razorfen Downs if you want that Icemetal Barbarute.
Me : Damn, my head is killing me...
Butler : That's because you allowed yourself to be spun multiple times at a high speed on a playground ride last night sir.
Me : Explains wh- Wait, when did I get a butler?
Butler : I'm a figment of your imagination, just like your army of psychic monkeys. Which I'll have to go out and feed in a while.
Me : What happened last night again? I mean, I remember a few snatches now and then of a burning fire...
Butler : Ah yes, you went on for a barbeque sir. With the Creative Writing Circle, and some honourary members.
Me : What honourary members...erm...what is your name anyway?
Butler : Butler, Master Wong. Maximilian Butler.
Me : Geez, I am unimaginative. Anyway, who were those honourary members you were talking about.
Butler : Mr Yeak and Miss Lee.
Me : Butler, I appreciate your strict British adherence to protocol, but we're in Singapore, I can haz first names plz?
Butler : Mr Seth and Miss Jacinta
Me : Seth I remember, but who's Jacinta?
Butler : The lady with the lighter Master Wong. Your long suffering bridge partner.
Me : No bells Butler.
Butler : Do you recall a particularly well-endow-
Me : Ah yes, Jacinta! Delightful girl, that one. Attempted to bludgeon me to death with an Andrei Arsharvin water bottle during the bridge game after I failed to realize she was my partner. Multiple times.
Butler : An agonized glare of pure venom is usually a good clue Master Wong.
Me : Wait, I recall porn somewhere during that game...
Butler : That would be Martin, the movie Miss Wanyu brought sir, not porn.
Me : Don't give me any of your sardonic yet dignified sass Butler! It might as well have been porn!
Butler : As you wish Master Wong. By the way, might I suggest that you wash your hands before you go raiding? The smell of maple bacon is remarkably hard to remove from a keyboard.
Me : Yeah, why do my hands smell so delicious?
Butler : You insisted on roasting your share of the bacon over the open fire sir. With your bare hands. Which I suggest you stop trying to eat.
Me : Fine...(Takes fingers out of mouth) Is that how I got this cut on my hand Butler?
Butler : No sir, you got that trying to retrieve your deodorant can-
Me : Chemical. Flamethrower.
Butler : After Miss Kimberly tricked you into thinking she threw it into the dumpster, and Mr Tim knocked your supporting hand out of the way, causing the lid to crush your left hand. And spill your drink.
Me : Curse you Madame Dictator, you can take away my chemical flamethrower, you can stop me from spelling swear words with the bacon on the grill, but you will never break my spirit!
Butler : In all fairness to Miss Kimberly Master Wong, she did tend to the cut after you hurt yourself.
(Massive crash is heard, followed by the clinking of cutlery)
Butler : Master Wong, please put away the cleaver, I'm certain Miss Kimberly did not attempt to poison you while tending to the wound.
Me : Damn you Tsundere girl. Was there anything I would *want* to remember about last night?
Butler : Plenty Master Wong! Like the doughnuts Miss Lauren brought!
Me : That I pimped up with Jeannel's fudge and the marshmallows Kim wouldn't let me torch! Man, eclairs the first time, now doughnuts. I think I love this girl.
Butler : Then you discovered that the basketball team that Miss Sarah plays with is comprised mostly of-
Me : I promised I'd keep that quiet.
Butler : And you won your bet with Mr Aloysious, now that Mr Shirram has confirmed that Mrs-
Me : Classified too Butler.
Butler : As you wish sir.
Me : More importantly Butler, did I get to use my chemical flamethrower? I brought a spare in case Kim took away the first one. Which she did.
Butler : No, fortunately or unfortunately. You proudly declared you were a learning android while brandishing the spare, which rather gave the game away.
Me : Crap...
Butler : If it makes you feel better Master Wong, Miss Jacinta already had run out of lighter fluid by then, so even if you had succeeded in evading Miss Kimberly, it'll have been for nought.
Me : Did me and Tim succeed in sneaking alcohol into the barebeque?
Butler : No Master Wong, you swore abstinence from alcohol of any sort remember?
Me : Only so I can watch other people get drunk and laugh! Which reminds me, did I get to tell the story why I swore abstinence?
Butler : Yes, you did regale them with that tale sir. They especially liked the part where Mr David kicks your friend for throwing up, which caused him to throw up again.
Me : Hehe, awesome then.
(Falls face first on the floor while getting out of bed. Canned laughter is heard)
Me : (Muffled) Just why did I get on that spinny-majiggy thingy again Butler?
Butler : You were on a sugar high from that doughnut you created sir.
Me : (Still muffled) Bugger. It... Did I do anything else stupid while I was high?
Butler : Well, you did insist on somehow inserting fruit bazookas into that new story-creation game the CWC was going to try.
Me : (Muffled) Oh that one! Please tell me I had the presence of mind to approve that. That was a terrific idea.
Butler : I can assure you that you did sir. Right before Miss Wanyu was kind enough to give you a ride home.
Me : (Muffled) Good... Actually Butler, I think I'll lie here a little longer and give Razorfen Down a miss for now, my head still hurts.
Butler : Very well then sir. I'll be off to feed the army then.
Me : (Muffled) Tell General Bubbles to get ready for the invasion of Blizzard headquarters while you're at it. I intend to have a copy of Starcraft 2 for myself, and a few hundred copies to sell on eBay by Saturday.
Butler : As you wish Master Wong.
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
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