Showing posts with label Macon and Drool. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Macon and Drool. Show all posts

Sunday, 2 September 2007

No fatalities

The guys have returned from OBS Singapore with no casualties. Yes, even Timothy survived the ordeal, which means it can't have been that bad. Of course, Bryant returned to civilization and discovered that the resulting soap suds from his first bath in 5 days were "fecking gray".

The holidays have begun once again (YAY!!!). Unfortunately this time, its only for one week, and from there on its a two week dash before the final year exams, so its more of a break really. With any luck, I'll be able to retain this year's Term 3's academic form and finish off the year on a high note for the first time in a long while.

Still, with my parents out of the country and leaving me, once again, with free reign over the place for the next week, I'll make the most out of it. Hopefully I'll remember to do all that holiday homework and not forget about it, crash in the FYE and curse myself a month or so from now.

Should be especially free, since the Vice Principal called for an immediate CCA stand down, so they have no reason to drag us down to training during the holidays. I actually kind of miss training now. No more running head along into quivering juniors with only a pad of sponge protecting them and all that. Don't miss the mud though, thats for sure. I stopped going for C division training since all the senior B guys down around there is chuck a few balls at each other. Not exactly entertaining, or beneficial for that matter.

Anyway, I felt it was rather foolish of me not to write a short intro for Macon and Drool, and that simply throwing them in was a bad idea, so I've composed a small interview with them.

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Macon and Drool interview
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Macon : Hi there!! Say hello to the nice people in the real world Drool!!

Drool : Woof??

Macon : He's a little slow on the uptake, don't mind him. Anyway, since our creator is a messy, chaotic person who wanders around in his own world half the time Drool and I have had to do this interview ourselves.

Interviewer : So, tell us about yourself and this whole story Macon

Macon : The name's Macon Frigs, and you all know about the liberation and the war and all. We were actually on the back burner of our creator's mind for quite awhile, but since he's a lazy asshole as well as a messy one, we didn't get created till now. Hopefully, this storyline won't end up a mess of cheesy shorts, but the creator has his moments of genius at times like Slummers, so hopefully that won't happen. There's not much to say about me, since the story has progressed a grand total of one short, aside from the fact that I have very little social awareness at times. [Drool attempts to ingest a nearby chair]

Interviewer : Drool's rather....Erm... Hungry...

Macon : Yeah, thats Drool for you. Monstrosities eat anything like us, so they make great pets and companions, despite the fact they were originally designed as ferocious and near indestructible biological weapons to tear enemy soldiers apart and eat them limb by limb. [Takes out a bottle of mayo with strange stuff inside it and offers it to the interviewer] Want some?? The sawdust gives it a really nice crunchy feel.

Interviewer : No thanks... Are you sure Drool is safe to be around?? [By now Drool
has finished ingesting the chair and is starting on a potted plant]

Macon : Yeah, Drool's pretty tame for a Monstrosity. The can form a few words, but they bark and woof like normal dogs half the time.

Drool : Rargth!! Regetables!! [Spits out the plant]

Macon : Well, as long as you aren't carrying any cheese on you, they love cheese

Interviewer : You mean like this cheddar cheese I picked up just now??

Drool : Chrezee!!! [Leaps at Interviewer]

Interviewer : AH!!! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!!

Macon : Bad Drool, you don't eat the nice interviewer!! Spit him out now!! You stupid glob of living mayo, spit him out this instan.....erp!! What going on now?? Drool, what you eating?? [Macon has apparently lapsed back into retard mode]

Interviewer : ARGH!!! [Struggles to get out but to no avail]

(End of interview)
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Saturday, 25 August 2007

Left behind...........

I was supposed to join Bryant and Sam in LANing our lives away this morning, but perhaps I overslept (I think 10am is reasonable for a non-school day), or they happened to forget about me, I don't know. Guys, if you did this on purpose, I will wait at the jetty at 0730 on Monday, and laugh many evil laughs as you are herded like lambs to the slaughter on to boats to be shipped to OBS Singapore, and then, wait for you at the jetty on Friday, and laugh even more evil laughs as you step off exhausted, mentally drained, and smelling worse than me for once. Lol.

Taking scant comfort in the fact that now I wouldn't have to pay $2 an hour to be a free frag at Quake 4 and that I wouldn't have to rush back for tuition, I pondered what to do with all that time now that I finished the Legends Quest. In the end, I decided to work on the Slummer storyline.

It shall start and revolve around a new SAL recruit named Macon Frigs, a civilian boy of 18 drafted into the SAL who spends more time than normal in stupid mode, along with his over-playful pet Monstrosity, Drool. Posted to a unit made up of other Slummer-Monstrosity duos, he arrives at Kraft Base to begin training for the mobilization to free humanity.

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Macon and Drool, Page 1
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(Scene shows a busy military camp)

Sarge: Listen up you spineless bunch of scumwads!!! For the next three weeks, you will be the lowest form of life in the ****ing order of nature! You will have no say, no rights, and no authority!!

Macon: Does the canteen serve mayonnaise pancakes??

Sarge: NO RECRUIT, THE ****ING CANTEEN WILL NOT SERVE MAYONNAISE PANCAKES!!! IF YOU WANT YOUR SISSY MAYONNAISE PANCAKES WITH A SIDE SERVING OF WUSSINESS, WHY NOT YOU RUN HOME TO YOUR MAMA AND GET HER TO MAKE THEM!!!

[Drool cringes from the shouting]

Macon: There there Drool, the bad man will be gone soon....

Sarge: YOUR MONSTROSITY IS THE SHAME OF ALL MONSTROSITIES!!! INSTEAD OF BEING WAR IN A GLOB OF MAYONNAISE, IT IS A THUMB SUCKING, MUMMY HUGGING PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU!!!
[Turns to rest of the recruits] NOW GET YOUR SORRY ASSES TO THE FIRING RANGE!!

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(Firing range)
Sarge: Now, which of you permatards can tell me what this is!

Random recruit: Its a jar of mayo??

Sarge: You must be a godamned genius to give me that answer recruit!! You hear me recruit?? You are a genius!! You must have an IQ of 160 to give me that answer. You are frigging gifted!!!

Random Recruit: Thank you Sergeant!!

Sarge: I was joking. WRONG!! DROP AND GIVE ME 30!!

Random Recruit: Its food?

Sarge: WRONG, 30!!! MAMA'S BOY, WHAT IS IT!!

Macon: Erm, SAL property??

Sarge: STILL WRONG, ALSO 30!!! Listen up good scumwads, this is not just a jar of mayonnaise, it is a symbol of FREEDOM!! It epitomizes JUSTICE!! It is the very foundation that the Slummer Republic was built on! It is the lifeblood of our people! And now, it is being denied from the surface world!! [Wipes tear from eye] Recruits, it represents our fight to be a free people, away from tyranny!!

Macon: [Whispered] Like yours??

Sarge: I HEARD THAT MAMA'S BOY, ANOTHER 50!!

(Proceeds when all are done)

Sarge: Now, this is a new prototype fragmentation grenade. Its shape allows your average Slummer to throw, punt, and even kick it at the enemy a la rugby style. Mama's boy, kick this grenade as far as you can into the range [Kicks grenade, and Drool runs after it]

Macon: No, bad Drool!! We no play fetch now!! [Drool fetches it anyway]

Drool: Wruff!! [Places grenade proudly in front of Macon]

Macon: WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!![Cringes as he awaits impending doom]

(A minute passes by with no explosion)

Sarge: Had that been live, you'd be dead. NOW GET ON YOUR FEET RECRUIT! THAT WAS A DUD!! DO YOU REALLY THINK I'D TRUST YOU NINNIES WITH REAL GRENADES??

Macon: Hehehe.....[Laughs sheepishly]

Sarge: Its been a long day indoctrinating you noobs into the SAL. Now, everyone to your bunks.

(Recruits shuffle off)

Sarge: Except you mama's boy. Because of your abysmally crappy performance, you get have to get some more practice. [Taunting tone] So now, I'm letting you stay up past your bedtime so you can have time to think about how to control your Monstrosity properly on guard duty.

(Walks off with a chuckle)

Macon: Its all your fault Drool.

Drool: Woof??
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Yes, I know its bad, but all these tales need to simmer a bit before they get good.

Monday, 20 August 2007

What a Wonderful Week

I'm telling you, this week is terrific. I stand with 4A1s to my record, having found out I got A1s for both Phyiscs and Chemistry as well, second only to Kevin. Lit was not a ground zero disaster, after Mrs. Ang moderated everyone's papers, allowing me to get a B4, Bryant an A1, and Sam an A2. Can't really complain when 65% of the class failed initially. With an average of 78.1 at the moment, I have finally achieved some real academic success in SJI in the three arduous years I've been here. I could have tied with Kevin for top in Chem. For one question, the correct answer for the pH was 13. I initially wrote 13, but felt it was an unlucky number, so I changed it to 12, which was wrong. Still, Then again, destiny has given me so much already, I've beaten people like Andrew and Chris K at maths and science, and it would be greedy of me to ask for more. I just hope History and Chinese don't drag my average down too much....

This term is one of many opposites. While more hardworking and better students like Kee Hao failed to fire in Chemistry, people like Jialei, a true epitome of slack and a wonderful specimen of a DotA addict, gets 33 out of 40. While I am still half a mark higher and escape the shame of being beaten by the one who lives and breathes DotA but isn't that good anyway, I'm just puzzled at how he managed.... Adhitya claimed at the recess queue that his secret to doing well was watching porn the night before. I want to believe the contrary to be true, and hope that he does try that again, and hopefully, wanks all his brains out hours before the test. Twisted bastard....

Dad is also in Melbourne, so that leaves me with a lot of free reign after the exams. Also managed to wangle a berth to OBS Sabah, since they overbooked for the Ubin trip. The only taint to this wonderful week is United's tragic loss at the Manchester Derby to City. After a long range effort from City's Brazilian player maker Elano, United squandered chance after chance. With both Rooney and Ronaldo unable to play, United relied on Tevez and Nani to deliver the goods, passing long balls to the wings in an attempt to make full use of Nani's agility. It did not good, and United were sent home 1-0 losers, and five points adrift of Chelsea, who thankfully only managed a draw against Liverpool at the Kop.


While extremely bored today, I suddenly had the urge to draw up a Slummer Army. Urged on by Sam as he found it amusing, I expanded a little on it.

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Slummer Army of Liberators (SAL)
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Long long in the future, on our very own Earth, fascism somehow managed to seize control of the world stage, and now a government called the Submit and Prosper (SAP) rules the entire planet, making every single decision for the citizens of the world, from what they wore to work to what they ate. All who opposed were thrown into a special "Undesirables" Zone somewhere in Death Valley, after being exposed to nuclear radiation to make them stupid, and hopefully unable to think of a way back.

However, these people became so stupid, they occasionally overshot the absolute stupidity mark, and went back into pure genius, but still spent much of their time being absolute retards. Using their newfound intelligence, this new race, self-dubbed the Slummers, built a small underground city and lived in relative peace, excavating the city by eating away the rock walls, this wondrous ability given to them from the nuclear radiation. Their mutation also gave them a craving and need for mayonnaise at constant intervals, which they slaked with huge stores of surplus mayonnaise from the US army buried after Desert Storm which they found while excavating their city.

In one of their lapses into genius, Slummers discovered that mayonnaisium is actually the 116th element, a magical element which had various strange qualities, and produces tenfold the energy of uranium when combined with MSG, which was also buried in large quantities by the US army after Desert Storm. Using this new mayonnaisium energy, the Slummers managed to create a beautiful cosmopolitan city, resemblant of NYC a hundred years ago, all powered by the giant mayonnaisium reactors towering over their subterranean Utopia. However, with great power comes great responsibility, which Slummers don't have in much quantity, and so, adapted their mayonnaisium technology into weapons of war, from mayonnaisium powered armour and artillery units to Mayo Monstrosities, 15 foot tall horrors made of living mayo encased in armour. Some had become so united with the mayonnaisium they learnt to manipulate it with their minds. Provided they weren't in stupid mode of course.

However, because people were either too dumb or too smart at any one point of time to fight over petty things like who gets elected next, they all lived in peace, and therefore couldn't give a shit about the outside world, preferring to live mayo-filled lives in harmony with their fellow Slummers, the weapons all in hangars, and the Mayo Monstrosities becoming household pets in many Slummer households.

Until the day which they heard mayonnaise had been banned by the SAP because it made people fat. In an outrage, they vowed to free the world above from the tyranny for not being able to choose what to eat, and so emerged from the ground and marched forth with their mayonnaisium arsenal with the noble mission of ridding the world of SAP and give people the freedom to eat as much mayo as they wanted.
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